Clean up, clean up.....or not....

It starts off so innocently. Deciding that, although it's summer, this mess has to be dealt with before we do one more thing. "Kiiids!" I call in my sweet mother voice, "We're going to spend some time cleaning up today." And then, in same sweet voice start singing that good old clean up song: "Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere..." What? It seems to work fine in nursery school. My 7 year old instantly drops to the ground crying, holding his head in his hands. My 5 year old smiles sweetly and says, "Sure, I LOVE cleaning. Cleaning is my favorite thing EVER." My three year old doesn't need to be asked twice and instantly goes upstairs and cleans her entire room in under five seconds (did I mention she's a GIRL?). After that here's how it goes:

-Give 7 year old two options (in sweet, patient voice): Clean room or no Wii.
-Give 5 year old explicit instructions on what to clean, knowing that if you don't it won't get done AT ALL.
-15 minutes later. Remind 7 year old, in semi-sweet voice of his two options. Ask 5 year old sort of nicely to please stop playing with toys and actually clean them up. Send 3 year old GIRL downstairs to start working on playroom, since room is done.
-15 minutes later. Try and encourage children for the 1 cm of floor space they have cleaned...but remind them that my patience is wearing out and for heaven's sake just clean it all.
-5 minutes later: Rush upstairs after hearing "I'm bleeding, something got me!" only to find a small pipe cleaner injury.
-5 minutes later: Reassure 7 year old (who is now the only one cleaning even though his 5 year old brother LOVES cleaning SOOO much) that yes, his brother would have to clean his share of the room as well.
-2 minutes later: Ignore 5 year old who is insisting his finger is broken and is therefore unable to clean. Try to also ignore growing rage inside yourself.
2 minutes later: Tell 3 year old, who has now cleaned her entire room AND playroom, what a stellar child she is. Give out popsicle. Ignore other children's pleading to be done and have one too.
2 minutes later: Run upstairs after hearing the sound of a frisbee banging against the wall. Unleash rage. Give speel about coming up here with big black garbage bag, how parents aren't slaves, etc, etc.
-4.7 seconds later: Retreat to room, frantically playing computer games while singing the clean up song in a crazy voice to yourself, wondering why you have ever started this fiasco. Ignore children staring at you in doorway..then eventually slinking away.

And that, my friends, is my explanation on why my house remains half cleaned and also why my Bejewelled score keeps improving. ;)